


All of your sorries

by Liserete



Category: OMORI (Video Game)
Genre: ...or not, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Gen, I'M TRYING TO COPE BUT I'M A CHARLES EYLER KINNIE SO I MADE IT WORSE, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Major Spoilers, Missing Scene, Out of Character, POV Second Person, Pre-Canon, my interpretation of that scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 22:42:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29250150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liserete/pseuds/Liserete
Summary: Mari loves her brother as well as she loves things to be perfect. A little quarrel that led to terrible accident. And all of the "sorry" they wont say.
Kudos: 43





	All of your sorries

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo yeeeah i'm not good at making preface. Also I'm not a native speaker and this is like my first attempt to write something in english in two years i think?????  
> The idea was pretty spontaneous please do not judge too hard. It just hit me too hard at some point... I'm sorry. Like really.  
> Please note that I'm bad at english punctuation so its pretty random,,,,,  
> русская версия (она немного отличается) - https://ficbook.net/readfic/10389713

What do you feel when you are falling down the stairs? When your bones are cracking? When all of your hopes and dreams are shattering in one moment turning into nothing? What do you feel when anger becomes surprise and there's no time to understand that you are dying?

All that you want is to things go smooth and perfect, you put your hope, your heart, your soul, everything. Every day you are practicing until your fingers get sore while touching black and white keys, until you can no longer hold your back straight, until there is nothing lest but the melody so precious to you. That melody you want to share with everyone, that you want to be ideal. What happens when your expectation doesn't meet? What happens when an important element falls out? What do you feel when he lowers his head yet again telling you that there is no use? There is no help? That he can not do it? Your heart, it shrinks. It is painful. It sure is. Almost like a cat scratches you, open wounds that will heal fast yet still be painful. Oh, about cats! How much do you want to find Mewo and bury your nose in her warm fur so you wont see your brother who barely understands what you want. You love your brother. That is why you want that recital to be perfect. Sore fingers barely moves, you stand up feeling a bit dizzy. How long can you last? You are too tired, inside you there is nothing but rising anger. You both spend hours, days, a whole month – yet it is still far from perfection.

He wants to quit. Your brother wants to leave. The recital is tomorrow yet he says that he is worthless, he is not enough, he will continue making the same mistakes, he will bring nothing but a shame to you and the family. Only angry echo remains in your head. It is useless. You are too tired and too mad so you scream. You scream everything that you thinks of him, everything that you held back for so long. You love your brother yet sometimes even your patience can not stand him. Your perfectionism can not stand him. 

You love your brother. That what you keep repeating to yourself desperately trying to find some excuse, something that will give your anger a solid meaning. You are good enough, are not you? It is all for his sake. Do you love him? Of course. Yet promises to buy him ice cream afterwards or to spend whole night with friends watching some old good cartoon are not working anymore. So this is your last method. That one that you did want to use at all. You are scolding him, you are screaming not realizing how loud your voice is. You completely forget how actually sensitive is that kid who is standing in front of you. He holds violin so close to his chest. He can start crying at any moment now. 

“Fool!”

He shouts and rush out of that room. You freeze. Your hear is pounding. You love him. You are doing it for him. He simply needs more practice. More faith in himself. He is insecure. You know that. You want to apologize. You were out of control. You did not want that to be this way. Everything is going to be okay, right? You will promise him to do everything that he wants you to do. After recital, of course. 

You turn around to follow him and hear some loud noise. Something fell. Something broke. Now you are afraid. You rush forward only to see broken violin's wooden pieces. Eyes are wide open, hands shaken, you forced yourself to calm down but only for a little bit. You look at him. He is there. Standing just right on the highest stair. He steps back. Your brother. You love him. You wanted to apologize. Yet there is nothing within you but ringing bell of fury. That what gives you energy to run upstairs. You confront him. He is trembling, shaking either of anger or fear. He cries silently and you keep screaming not even realizing that he do not listen. You do not even know what you want to say anymore. You can no more control what you are saying. The bells are ringing in ears. The bells, empty excuses, muttering instead of answer, his furious face, his legs that are making steps forward, and, yes, him, who tries to run away again since he do not want to see you again. You do not understand him. Neither do him. Your goal is more important than love. His anger is stronger than fear.

You are not finished yet. The eerie light behind his back looks surreal. Your face is blue and red. You look like one of erinyes or ghost who came back to punish naughty child. You hate it. Yet you are far from being done with this situation. That violin, that present you and your friends worked hard to buy is shattered. Your brother, you love him, do not you? That is why you are mad. That why you block his way out. You are not finished yet. You make that one pose that mom does when she is mad. You look at him. You said something that you will never be able to continue. You lacked only a second, a moment. You tries to say thing that would not be so important later. You wanted to apologize, right? Only after an hour you will be so sorry about anything that had happened. You would admit your mistakes, you will give that precious child a hug while sobbing and repeating all of your “sorries”. At last, you would smile to him telling that everything will be just fine, that you love and forgive him. You would preform alone or manage to borrow violin from someone. You still have time. That recital... how would it pass? What would you feel? Exited? Or anxious? Still you wanted to give your all. You felt like it was one of the most important things in your life. 

You love your brother. You pushed him too much. Well, would it be to bad for him to make a mistake? There in nothing fatal in it. He still is good enough. The one who is not – is you.

Thousand of thoughts and possibilities ringing like a small bells in your head as you fall down the stairs. You do not have time to understand, in fact you was not given one. Everything that was left in your last memories was his face distorted with fear, his hands that he reached out to you while knowing it is too late. He waited for something unavoidable. You do not realize what exactly. What you felt was impulse, push and feeling of being weightless. Pain. You remembered pain that tormented you as you were rolling. Seconds in reality – eternity for you. 

You love your brother. You will forgive him nevertheless. It was an accident after all. Maybe it is for the best that recital will be delayed. There are pretty high possibilities to survive after all. You can not thing of those. You never had a chance to. You are falling and that is it. There is a sudden pain that is unbearable. There is a sound of bones breaking. There is a sound of fall something much more heavier than a violin. If you could think you would have thought of people you love and who you loose, of your cat, of family, of Hero, of Sunny. You love him, do not you? If you could go back in time would you let him have his escape? Would you say “I am sorry” that had stuck in your head?

You do not know.

You do not breathe.


End file.
